As a therapist in private practice, I am inspired by every one of my clients. I often hear from people how they know therapy will help and they have wanted to try therapy but are afraid of being judged by the therapist. This is a common fear, and often what keeps people from seeking help or from sharing their pain with anyone else, only to intensify the shame, embarrassment, depression, anxiety, or racing thoughts.
Honestly, I am not surprised or shocked by anything people tell me. I am usually in awe and impressed with people when they come to therapy, their resilience, their humanness. It’s not so much about the details of what people tell me that inspires me, rather the fact they asked for help in the first place, that they came to therapy, that they are opening up to me, allowing me to be present with them while they unpack deep hurt they have carried with them, sometimes for a lifetime. That they are taking a risk to trust me, which is one of the greatest privileges of being a therapist.
No matter what you have done or what has been done to you, I admire you and what makes you authentically you. I can see how valuable you are and you will know therapy is done when you can see it and feel it, too. I am here to listen, guide, understand, and accept. There is nothing you could say to make me judge you, because I too am a perfectly imperfect human.
Clients share their innermost vulnerable worlds with me. We get to have these deep, authentic discussions which inspire me and change us both indefinitely. Getting to have this level of intimacy with people teaches me, how I can see myself in people and how people can see themselves in me. We are all mirrors for one another, to see our good qualities, to see the qualities we want to change. One thing about emotions is they always tell you about you. If you ever have someone you really like, ask yourself why. Usually, they mirror qualities about yourself you admire within yourself but your defense mechanisms and tendency to be “humble” keep you from seeing these amazing qualities in yourself. Likewise, if you really dislike someone or someone’s behavior, if someone makes you angry, look at why. Are they mirroring a quality in you that you do not like about yourself? When you can look at this and make an honest self-assessment, everyone in your life can be a teacher. The problem is when you dislike, maybe even hate, someone and cannot see how they mirror the qualities you despise in yourself.
This same concept is true with judgement. When you judge someone else, it stems from your tendency to judge yourself. Maybe you feel like you are never good enough, so no one else can ever measure up to the impossible standards you have set for yourself. Maybe you accept mistreatment, unhealthy, or even toxic relationships with people who treat you badly, talk down to you, or insult you. If so, maybe you accept this mistreatment because it feels comfortable and it is a mirror for how you talk to yourself internally.
It is okay to dislike yourself or even hate yourself, it is okay to have suicidal thoughts, it is okay to feel like you are pathetic. It is okay to feel sad (depression) and fearful (anxiety), these are normal, helpful emotions. The problem and the anxiety come when you push these normal feelings away, as if you should not feel this way. Nobody wants to feel these emotions because they make you feel awful. Yet, when you can listen to your body and embrace what it is telling you with compassion and acceptance, you begin to understand yourself. No matter how negative or poor the thoughts or feelings are. If you are feeling pathetic, look at what is going on in your life to make you feel this way. When you can honestly tell yourself, “Ok, I feel pathetic for my behavior because it goes against my core beliefs and how I see myself, that makes sense. It’s okay I feel this way, my body is encouraging me to make some changes.” The secondary judgments, racing thoughts, anxiety, depression, etc. start to go away. This level of compassionate understanding is healing. It is transformational. The emotions eventually go away when you understand their purpose. The anxiety stems from the tendency to be the controller of the emotions. When you take the position of the observer rather than the controller, you can take back the control over your life.
This is not a simple task to do on your own. We are in the middle of an economic crisis, a pandemic with no end in sight, and people’s lives have been turned upside down. It is okay to not be okay and therapy can help.
Book now to schedule your free phone consult or schedule a session to meet with me in person. I am happy to help you find resources that are best for you, even if you decide it is not the best time for therapy.
