Written by Sarah Jenkins, LCSW

Recovery Group to Inspire Connection and Social Wellness

Group therapy is a vital part of mental health and addiction treatment. I am excited to announce my latest venture, recovery oriented process group. I love how group naturally inspires connection and social wellness. Group builds a sense of connection and vulnerability that I am unable to do on my own in individual psychotherapy. The opposite of addiction is connection. So, I am excited to get back into group therapy.

As a therapist working in treatment for the last 8 years, I typically ran 3 groups per day and have been seriously missing group therapy since starting private practice almost 2 years ago (hard to believe). 

Somewhat selfishly, I enjoy groups because of how much I grow from all of the various perspectives and interactions. I am appreciative for all of the groups I have been a part of. Group allows me to hear many perspectives, see the world through other peoples’ eyes, and gain a more balanced view of reality.

To me, recovery means mental health and addiction recovery. Treating addiction means treating mental health. Addiction recovery and mental health recovery are the same thing. We don’t treat addiction by focusing on the addiction, triggers, symptoms, etc. That just feeds the addiction. We don’t treat mental health by solely focusing on the symptoms either. I prefer inclusion over separation. I like focusing on the whole person rather than the diagnosis or symptoms alone.

Holistic View of Mental Health and Addiction Treatment

Furthermore, I like using the holistic view by focusing on the whole person. To treat mental health, I focus on a person’s physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and their environment. I enjoy understanding people’s strengths, dreams, and working with people to connect with others. My main goal is to get to the root cause of symptoms, to help people become their own therapist, so one day they no longer need me. Rather, they learn to trust themselves.

Additionally, my primary theoretical perspective is Jungian psychoanalysis. Carl Jung once said “Never diagnose (a client) until after their therapy is over.” Globally, I wish we supported this view, but that’s another post for another time… or I might write a book for that discussion.

This recovery oriented process group provides an amazing opportunity for people to see themselves in others, to find their value, their purpose, and see how their darkness can be someone else’s light. 

Pandemic Lessons and Realizations

Nevertheless, I have learned many lessons over the last 2 years, as I’m sure we all have. These realizations are a part of my motivation for starting this group. One day, I believe in eradicating social isolation and ending the stigma surrounding mental health and addiction that keeps so many from seeking treatment. This is one step to do my part toward these larger dreams. This group is just the beginning.

The 3 most significant lessons are:

1. Mental health is physical health.
   • See recent research on the gut brain connection.
   • This documentary Heal explains this concept well.
   • Here is a great resource to learn more about SAMHSA’s recovery oriented care model.
2. Mental health affects everyone.
3. Social isolation is detrimental to everyone and connection is vital for us all.
   • Check out this great lecture by Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability.

Recovery Takes A Village

All in all, I am grateful for all of the lessons, realizations, and transformations that have come out of this pandemic. I am thankful to my local colleagues willing to collaborate to make this group happen. Recovery takes a village, and I very much rely on the help all around me for my own spiritual growth. Even if we could do it all alone, why would we want to? Life is so much better with friends, family, and authentic connection.

I hope we can create a larger recovery oriented community where we are not separated by addiction or diagnosis. Where recovery is a goal for all, not just those who have been given a label.

If you are interested in starting therapy, check out some of our services here: https://www.recoverlife.us/services/. If you would like to join our group, please call Recover Life, Inc. at 813-693-2019 to schedule your free 15 minute consultation, or email Sarah Jenkins, LCSW, at sarah@recoverlife.us, or visit https://www.recoverlife.us/contact-us/

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January 14, 2021

Written by Sarah Jenkins, MSW, Registered Clinical Social Work Intern

Stigma Surrounding Addiction

As a person who is passionate about recovery, and someone who has worked in the mental health and addictions field for over 7 years, I often see how this question plagues people’s minds. So many people ask if they have alcoholism or are an alcoholic, if they really are addicted, or how to help someone with addiction, and there is no easy answer to any of these questions. Especially when people are newly in recovery, they look back over their addiction and wonder how they could do this to themselves. It makes no sense. To the rational mind, or to the outsider looking in who has never experienced addiction, it does not make sense, because it is not logical, addiction is purely emotional. It is important to separate logic from emotions, and I will get to that in a moment.

Frequently, people ask how could someone do that to themselves? Why can’t they just stop? If you are asking “why can’t they just stop?” or asking yourself why you cannot quit on your own, you are not alone. This question has afflicted every other person who has been addicted to drugs or alcohol, and this is what makes it an addiction. If you could just stop, you would. If they could quit on their own, they would.

In fact, there is a tremendous amount of stigma surrounding addiction in our society. The vast majority have little compassion or sympathy for people struggling with addiction, as evidenced by the criminalization of people battling addiction. In our court systems, addicts and alcoholics are treated like criminals, rather than being treated like someone who desperately needs help.

Nobody Chooses Addiction

Additionally, many people think addiction is a choice. As if someone would consciously choose to become an alcoholic or an addict, to destroy their lives, everything in it, and every relationship around them. Nobody chooses to become an alcoholic or an addict. Often, family members or loved ones say “If they loved me, they would quit” or think that because someone uses drugs or alcohol, they do not love them. The reality is addiction takes away a person’s ability to feel and think rationally. Once drug or alcohol use has turned into addiction, the person no longer has the choice to not use. Addiction sabotages the brain so the only thing that gives the person relief anymore is their drug. Addiction has nothing to do with any external factor at all really. Nor anyone around them. Addiction and recovery is an inside job.

Of course, family members and loved ones might take responsibility for the addiction, blaming themselves for their loved ones drug and alcohol use, and making the addiction about them. This takes away the power and control from the person dealing with addiction. For people to be successful in recovery and for family members or loved ones to get the help they need, first and foremost, everyone must take 100% responsibility for their own lives and everything in it. Their feelings, their reactions, their belief systems, their past accomplishments, their mistakes, their addiction, all of it. This is the first step for healing. You cannot control anyone else. Ever. Focus on you.

Scientific Research on Addiction

To continue, this is a common question among scientists and non-scientists alike, with significant scientific research attempting to answer this question. There is a body of research called ACES that goes over risk factors, statistics, and factors making it more likely someone will become experience addiction. This is not causal, these are simply correlations. Remember that when reading any research.

While I became a psychotherapist because I love analyzing data, researching facts and naturally use my logical mind more than my emotional mind, I have delved more into my emotional and spiritual side throughout my own recovery and throughout my clinical training. I have come to realize that listening to my intuition gives me much more information, and much quicker, than relying on my rational brain.

To quote Deepak Chopra, “Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it is not. The heart is intuitive, it’s holistic, it’s contextual, it’s relational. It doesn’t have win-lose orientation. It taps into the cosmic computer- the field of pure potentiality, pure knowledge, and infinite organizing power- and takes everything into account. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within limits of rational thought.”

Now stay with me, this is relevant to answering the question “why am I an alcoholic?”

Rationalization of the West

Furthermore, this tendency toward using the rational mind in America, or the “rationalization of the West” as Carl Jung used to say in the early 1900s, is a large problem that impacts us all. In the US and other individualistic societies, we value independence over codependence. American values teach us that we should be able to do everything on our own, “pick ourselves up by our bootstraps,” to not ask for help, and that it is a weakness to ask for help or to express emotions, especially for men. To be called “emotional” is interpreted as an insult. People are taught they should not cry unless they are broken or bleeding, or that they should “be positive” for fear of bringing other people down. All these implicit messages take a toll on the psyche. The more a person rejects reality, the more they suffer.

Now, instead of easily being able to identify one of the 8 primary emotions  (anger, disgust, fear, joy, guilt, shame, sadness and surprise), when a person feels sad, they also feel ashamed, guilty, angry, and disgusted with themselves for feeling sad. Some of these values are so deeply rooted that people cannot make sense of anything they feel, rather their internal world of emotions is a chaotic, unpleasant experience. Their feelings are so burdensome and intense, they feel physically pained by feeling normal emotions and need to get rid of the pain. Drugs and alcohol are emotional numbers, so it makes sense that people are mitigating their pain the best way they know how. This rejection of reality and inability to understand what a person feels often results in depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and every other form of mental illness there is. I love this quote, “Mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs.” M. Scott Peck. That is what we are doing in psychotherapy, unravelling illusions, and understanding reality. Accepting reality as it is.

Here is a great article from Psychology Today on how to validate your feelings as well as understanding the dark side of forced gratitude and when it can be more harmful than helpful.

This is just one example of a much more complex idea. Therapy helps to unravel your core beliefs, helps you to understand what your own beliefs are, helps to get rid of the beliefs that are not yours, and helps you to uncover your authentic self.  

What If There is Another Reason?

All that to say, these social constructs are important to understand as our ego is made up of social constructs, belief systems taught to us by someone else that may not align with our authentic self. One first has to understand their inner emotional world to understand who their authentic self is, who they are, what they value, what they like, dislike, makes them sad, happy, etc. I have had so many realizations working with people in recovery. Not everyone struggling with addiction has had a traumatic childhood. So much of the scientific research and “evidence” focuses on the negative components of addiction, only looking at the negative causes for addiction, like trauma, divorce, abuse, domestic violence, etc. What if there is another reason?

To illustrate, one thing I have realized in working with hundreds, maybe even thousands of clients over the last 7 years, is they feel their emotions intensely. A common theme I often see is a high level of intelligence resulting in racing thoughts or out of the box thinking, making them feel different than others. Another observation is that people battling addiction and mental health issues often have more sensitive senses such as higher sensitivity to light or sound, higher sensitivity to food and hunger, and the ability to feel their emotions more intensely than others. To back up my own clinical observations, psychologist Elaine Aron has termed this individual a Highly Sensitive Person. This is the common theme that keeps coming up.  

More on Highly Sensitive People

Moreover, there is this deep level of compassion I see, this desire to help humanity, and a deep hurt they feel because they have been taught for so long that their emotions are wrong, or to have emotions is weak, and to show compassion means there is something wrong with them. Whether it is my client struggling with addiction or other alcoholics or addicts I meet in the recovery community, the people I meet in the recovery realm are some of the most intensely compassionate, honest, insightful people I have ever met.

On the other hand, maybe people get controlled by addiction because they are trying so hard to be who they were taught they “should” be. Perhaps they are trying to maintain control over an image of who they want to be rather than knowing and understanding who they really are. Maybe addiction gives them relief with the ability to surrender from this nonsensical idea that they should fit into a society their authentic self may not align with. There are always multiple perspectives. And maybe, just maybe, the people who have experienced addiction are actually the lucky ones because they have been enlightened by their painful experience. They have learned they are the cause and solution to all of their problems, giving them a tremendous amount of freedom, humility, accountability, and compassion regularly missing from the society they are taught to fit into.

Final Thoughts

Finally, I am included in this group. It took me a long time to acknowledge and accept my natural level of compassion and empathy as this was a part of me that I used to try reject, to control, to get rid of. The idea of being “compassionate” or “sensitive” used to make me cringe as I have been taught that these qualities made me weak. I too live in this rationalized society where I was taught to hide my emotions, pretend to be someone I am not, pretend to be okay when I am hurting, and portray a certain image for fear of rejection, fear of other people’s judgements, fear of hurting other people’s feelings, or bringing people down.

Furthermore, throughout my recovery and throughout my clinical training, I have learned that my intuition, my feelings, my emotional mind, whatever term you would like to use, is my superpower. What I feel, what I intuitively sense, tells me everything I need to know. When I accept who I am, understand my shadow side, acknowledge my accomplishments, accept my character defects, and find the purpose within them, I no longer feel like there is something wrong with me. When I understand the darkness and the light that shines within me, I can embrace those qualities in everyone else. I am no longer disillusioned and can fully welcome reality as it is. When I accept myself as I am, I no longer try to push away or control my feelings, nor manipulate how people see me, nor worry about other people’s feelings or judgments. I can separate myself from the world around me and do not fall victim to the inevitable chaos. I just feel content. At peace. Able to just be, me.

Keep in mind, this is my own biased opinion and I am aware of my bias. My bias is also what makes me so passionate about addiction and mental health recovery. Recovery is possible. There is hope for everyone I work with and I believe in them when they do not believe in themselves, which is a gift I was given early on in my own life.

To conclude, I would love to hear your thoughts and how you might answer the question, “why am I an alcoholic?” Finding purpose is a huge part of what helps me in my own life, so I also enjoy helping people find purpose and meaning in their lives, too. I hope I can help you find the understanding you seek.

If you feel like therapy might help you or need help finding resources, call 813-693-2019 for a free 15 minute consult. You can also schedule your first session today by clicking on https://www.recoverlife.us/services/, and clicking on “Request Appointment.” I can only see clients in Florida, so if you want to find a psychotherapist near you, here is a therapist locator.

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11.30.2020

I have heard from many people who don’t know how to get help for themselves or their loved ones, and are struggling with not knowing where to begin. This article will give a brief list of action steps to help people get started on their recovery, or get back into their recovery.

I will start with least restrictive treatment and lowest level of care, to the highest, most restrictive level of care. Everyone’s path to recovery looks different, there is no one solution. Sometimes people need all of these or one of these, it really depends on the person, where they are in the recovery or addiction process, as well as their medical needs and mental health needs.

Disclaimer- quitting alcohol cold turkey can be detrimental to a person’s health. Please seek consultation with a medical provider as there are many treatment options to safely detox, including some at home detox options nowadays with the expansion of telelhealth among medical providers. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/cold-turkey

1. Go to a meeting. There are multiple, free 12 step support groups throughout the US and internationally. In the US there is a great app called “meeting guide” that will give you a list of all of the meetings near you at any time of day. This is a great place to meet other people in recovery at various stages of the recovery. You can usually find a meeting every day of the week and this provides a huge source of support for many people with addiction and/or alcoholism. You can also hear stories and learn of other treatment methods that worked for people within the recovery community. There is significant clinical research regarding the effectiveness of 12 step groups, and their ability to heal deep rooted issues, often stemming from childhood. See https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/meeting-guide
2. Find a therapist specializing in mental health and/or addiction. There is a great therapist locator on “Psychology Today” where you can find a therapist near you. State guidelines are all different so it’s probably best to start looking in your own state. These regulations are changing with telehealth and Covid, and to avoid uncertainty, start with a therapist near you. See https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists 
3. IOP/PHP groups. IOP – Intensive Outpatient Groups and PHP – Partial Hospitalization Groups. This level of care usually meets 3-5 times per week and is often covered by insurance. This type of format often allows people to keep their jobs and attend treatment at the same time. In Tampa, I would recommend my colleagues at Clean Recovery Centers, which is where I worked prior to building my private practice. They offer telehealth options, night time IOP groups and are able to see out of state clients. https://www.cleanrecoverycenters.com/ You can also call the national helpline through SAMHSA, which provides free referrals for mental healthh and/or substance use treatment at any level of care, 1.800.662.HELP (4357), or visit their treatment locator at https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
4. Inpatient or residential treatment. This level of care allows you to live within the treatment center and focus fully on recovery. Often, many people need to get away from their current living environment, people, places and things to get solid stability before transitioning to a lower, less restrictive level of care. SAMHSA has a great treatment locator tool here, https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ For those of you in Florida, or wanting to come to the Tampa Bay area of Florida, since I worked at Clean Recovery Centers and very much trust the staff and their treatment model, I would recommend them for this level of care as well as they provide treatment housing. 
5. Medical detox. Often, people need to be medically detoxed off of drugs and/or alcohol before they can attend lower levels of care. Seek consultation with a medical provider to get an assessment and see what level of care might be best. You can get assessed through your primacy care doctor, a licensed mental health or addictions clinician, a psychiatrist or psychologist, which can be found on Psychology Today or the SAMHSA treatment locator. You can also Google search “medical detox” to find detox services near you.
6. Inpatient crisis stabilization units. Sometimes people need 24/7 surveillance for their own safety for people who are suicidal, homicidal, actively psychotic, or generally a harm to themselves or others. In Florida, BayCare Behavioral Health has numerous inpatient psychiatric units within some of their hospitals throughout the Tampa Bay area, https://baycare.org/services/behavioral-health Outside of Tampa, FL, you can call the SAMHSA help line 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or the national suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 to find emergency help for crisis situations.

This is by no means all of the treatment options out there, as there are many. This is just a brief list of some of the most commonly used treatment methods to get people started on their recovery journey, and to help friends and families of loved ones struggling with mental health and/or addiction issues.

For more specific information and a customized treatment plan for what might be best for you or your loved one, seek consultation with a medical provider, treatment locators and therapist locators are above.

If you have any questions or need additional help, feel free to email sarah@recoverlife.us or call 813-693-2019. Also, feel free to comment with any resources that were helpful for you, or share your story on our anonymous recovery community https://www.recoverlife.us/community/ to help someone else.

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May 15, 2020

Written By: Sarah Jenkins, MSW, RCSWI

There’s a great article on Psychologytoday.com about two cases of schizophrenia in full remission without medication due to changing their diet to the keto diet.

We know sugar feeds disease and creates disease, it also increases symptoms of depression, anxiety, mood disorders, irritability, and the inability to regulate our emotions. The mind body and spirit are all connected. Wellness is taking care of all of you, mind body and spirit. Selfcare for me is eating healthy, reducing processed sugar, having a regular bed time, meditating, doing yoga and writing daily, and spending time with people I love. 

What’s your self care look like? How do you feed your mind, body and soul?

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May 25, 2020

Written by: Sarah Jenkins, MSW, RCSWI

As a social worker working in the mental health and addictions field, one of the biggest challenges for people and families is how to find treatment. Working on an inpatient behavioral health unit, it was often difficult to find appropriate drug or alcohol treatment, residential treatment, or long-term mental health treatment for clients. It was also very difficult to find placement or treatment for clients who are elderly with dementia, hostile, or aggressive. There are resources you can use that can provide the care you are looking for. This article is to help guide you on questions you need to ask, what insurance companies are looking for, and to help you find the best possible treatment for yourself or your loved one.

Crisis Treatment and Baker Act

First, are you or the person needing treatment in imminent harm or immediate danger? Are they in a crisis, such as actively suicidal or homicidal, having overwhelming suicidal thoughts, actively psychotic with little ability to reason or a loss of touch with reality? Are they inconsolably fearful or paranoid? If so, they need immediate crisis stabilization. Under Florida Law, there is a Baker Act which protects people with mental health conditions requiring emergency care who are in danger of harming themselves or others. The Baker Act places people on a 72-hour hold and guarantees a psychiatric evaluation mandated by law. Police officers, licensed therapists such as licensed clinical social workers or licensed mental health counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists may initiate a Baker Act. As a non-professional, you can call 911 and request a mental health crisis intervention team and let them know your loved one needs a Baker Act. If it is safe and they are agreeable, you may also transport them to your local emergency department and request for them to be hospitalized under a “voluntary” admission. This means they are signing in voluntarily and can sign out of treatment voluntarily, unless the psychiatrist believes they are a threat to themselves or others, at which case the doctor may initiate a Baker Act and they will be hospitalized involuntarily.

Often, Baker Act receiving facilities will help detox clients who need medical detox, start medication management to adjust medications and reduce high feelings of anxiety, depression, or agitation often associated with crisis. Once the person is stabilized, discharge planners in the hospital will assist in finding placement: residential treatment, addiction treatment, day treatment services, assisted living facilities or nursing homes for people requiring a higher level of care and longer management, or outpatient treatment, such as individual therapy or a psychiatrist. For more detailed information on the Baker Act law, see Baker Act.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia

If your loved one is elderly, has dementia or Alzheimer’s, or is wheelchair bound and you need help getting them to the emergency department and if they are in immediate danger (harm to themselves or others) you can call 911 to explain the situation, and again request the mental health crisis team. The mental health crisis team is trained to deal with high levels of aggression, agitation, or paranoia which helps to reduce the amount of stress for the person in crisis. If they are not in immediate danger, you can call their insurance company or Medicaid to request wheelchair transport. This is a safe and secure way to have your loved one safely transported. Wheelchair transport will have safety restraints to ensure your loved one is transported safely and securely. St. Anthony’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, FL has a specialized medical/geriatric unit where they can treat elderly clients and clients with dementia related disorders safely on a locked unit. They have one of the only combination medical/psychiatric units in Tampa Bay. The discharge planners will also arrange transport when they are ready for discharge to get them back home, to their living facility, or find placement if placement is needed.

How Inpatient Psychiatric Treatment Can Be Extremely Helpful

The terms “Baker Act” and “inpatient psych” have a lot of stigma surrounding them. Having worked inpatient for much my career, I often see how scared almost everyone is when they first get admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit. It is scary to be on a locked unit with complete strangers and no escape. I really enjoyed running groups in this setting because most people would have the realization, “they’re just like me,” and feel surprised, elated, and accepted when they realized most people on the Baker Act unit were struggling with very similar things: depression, anxiety, stress, paranoia, fear, low self-worth, low sense of self, feeling out of control, uncontrollable anger, difficulty feeling emotions or expressing emotions, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism and/or addiction. No matter what brought them into treatment or what their symptoms were, they often realized how much they could all relate, support one another with their experience, and find a sense of community in a place where they least expected it.

Unfortunately, outpatient psychiatrists and community mental health centers are very limited, so if a person needs their medications adjusted, often psychiatrists are booked three months out and people have a difficult time meeting with their psychiatrist to get medications adjusted quickly. One benefit of going to an inpatient unit is to get medications adjusted immediately, in a controlled environment to help manage symptoms, and to be kept safe, especially if symptoms of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts have gotten worse and become unmanageable. Also, people will get a follow up psychiatric appointment quickly after discharge from their inpatient stay to safely manage wellness outside of treatment.

When asked what they got out of treatment from their inpatient stay, many people have said how they gained a healthy comparison to what other people are going through such as debilitating addiction, homelessness, no family, friends or support, financial ruins, psychosis that will not go away, dementia, etc. Many people at discharge frequently had the enlightening realization that their life stressors were not as bad as they thought before they came to the hospital and how much they were just like everyone else, regardless of diagnosis or symptoms. There are a lot of benefits to be gained if you or your loved one must go to an inpatient psychiatric unit for emergency mental health treatment. When you put your fears aside, you see how much there is to be learned.

Addiction Treatment

One of the first things to consider when looking for addiction treatment is how you will be paying. Can your family afford to pay for private or residential addiction treatment? Or will you be using insurance to help cover the costs of treatment? This is an important question to ask. If you will be paying privately, you do not have to consider all of the questions insurance will ask and can go straight to my resource page to see some of the top rated addiction treatment centers in Tampa Bay, at Recover Life resources. I worked previously for BayCare Behavioral Health and Clean Recovery Centers, so I have seen firsthand how many clients have drastically improved throughout the course of treatment with both organizations. They have great teams, compassionate staff, and person-centered care. Clients are treated with dignity and respect, which is vital in recovery treatment. I also have professional acquaintances at all the treatment centers on my resource page. The rule I go by is if I would send my own family there, I will recommend the resource to you.

If you will be using insurance to cover the cost of treatment: insurance companies are going to ask if the person has tried treatment before. If a person has never tried treatment (e.g., inpatient psychiatry, residential treatment, intensive outpatient (IOP), partial hospitalization program (PHP), or outpatient therapy) insurance companies seldom pay for residential treatment. One way to get around this is to go through Clean Recovery Centers or Coalition Recovery, see addiction treatment centers, as they have found a way to provide residential level of care utilizing PHP and/or IOP benefits. They also offer transitional housing.

You may have to call your insurance company to see what benefits are offered for mental health or addiction treatment, then start your search from that avenue. If you have residential coverage, then you will be able to go to almost any treatment center with beds available. If you need any help navigating next steps, please fill out my contact form and I will assist where needed.

Next Steps

Recovery and whole health wellness do not happen overnight, nor after one treatment center, because recovery is a lifelong journey. Once you begin the journey of getting to know yourself, if never ends. After treatment, it is recommended to continue to stay connected with a supportive community. This community can be found through local 12 step groups (download AA meeting guide app), Celebrate Recovery which is a Christian based 12 step group (CR Meeting Locator), Depression Bipolar Support Alliance, or Recover Life Online Community Support where we have an online recovery community to reach out, give and receive support, find resources, share stories, and connect. You might attend your local church or spiritual groups. There are many mindfulness centers, such as Florida Community of Mindfulness which has multiple groups and classes, as well as Recovery Dharma which is a Buddhist centered 12 step approach with multiple local groups.

Another recommendation is outpatient therapy to help people to continue to get to know themselves, gain awareness, learn to listen to their bodies, and continue improving their mental health. Too often, people rely on medications to take away their symptoms of depression, anxiety, mania, schizophrenia, or stress, yet neglect learning the necessary tools to help understand where the sadness or fear are coming from in the first place. This acceptance helps people gain the power to reduce and manage the discomfort themselves. Too often as a society we try to get rid of the pain and “fix” the pain before learning what the pain is teaching us. To illustrate this concept, there is a great article on Psychology Today I often give to my clients for homework called The Irony of Emotional Acceptance.

For the most effective treatment, evidence based practice supports combining modalities of treatment, such as medication management, individual therapy, group therapy and community/ social support, to reduce symptoms, improve wellness, and improve long-term recovery and sobriety. By combining various methods of treatment, people do not become reliant on one thing or one person, rather gain the self-efficacy and confidence in themselves, which is necessary for recovery and whole health wellness. The only one really with the power and control in your life is you.

Outpatient therapy can also help family members who have loved ones in an out of addiction treatment, family members with chronic relapse, loved ones in and out of psychiatric units, or family members with dementia. So often, family members have been focused on caring for their loved one and trying to help them that they often neglect their own needs, forget to take care of themselves, and forget how to put themselves first because their loved one has needed the help more than they did. It is vitally important for family members, and all people in the helper role, whether you are a caregiver or work in the field professionally, to put your needs first. Therapy can help teach you how to do that and remind yourself that you are also important and deserve love, support, and compassion just like your loved one does.

Lastly, people are constantly growing and changing as the world is ever evolving, sometimes drastically and unexpectedly (thank you #Covid-19 for this enlightening realization). The reality is life will change, stress will come, relationships will end, loss will happen, and none of these things are avoidable. The one thing you can change, that you have control over, is you. Understanding how you feel, how you choose to react, how you choose to spend your time, who you choose to spend your time with, these are all things in your control.

I hope this has been a helpful resource for you. If you have other questions, feedback, or wisdom to share, please share this with others or comment below. Let’s keep the conversation going about #feelings, #addiction, #mental health, and #recovery for all!

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June 1, 2020

Written By: Sarah Jenkins, MSW, RCSWI

In a time when the Covid-19 epidemic is lifting, the sad reality of life is back: racism and hate still exist. It was interesting how when the world perseverated on Covid for the last few months, they forgot about the other things in this world that were still going on that are much more catastrophic to humanity: hate.

I love this quote to get a better understanding of hate and why it exists, “I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” – James Baldwin

Hatred is a great cover up for people, to protect them from themselves. While they are focused on everyone else, judging others, hating others, they never deal with the pain underneath the hate: themselves. So many people in this world never experience enough pain to focus on themselves. I have this conversation with people in recovery quite often as people who are “addicts” or “alcoholics” have the blessing and understanding to realize they are the cause and solution to all of their problems. Unfortunately, people who are not in recovery, often do not get this same level of realization, so they hate.

Before I get into the facts, first we must learn to separate “feelings” from “facts.”

Feelings are Not Facts

When we treat our feelings as facts, we spread negative energy like wildfire. This changes the perspective of others, and of ourselves. Causes an unconscious bias. Like everything and everyone, people are both good and bad. There are no people who are better or worse than others, people should not be idolized or condemned. This is my belief, what I feel. And you may disagree, yet it is not a fact, just your belief, it’s what you feel. Humans, by creation, are inherently flawed. No matter the degree, life training, years of sobriety, wealth, position in Congress, job title, etc., people are people with mistakes, imperfections, fears, deep wounds, some can see their wounds and are awake while others are blind, thinking people are better or worse than they are. These judgments are what creates divides between humans, implicitly cause us to treat people differently, whether we like them too much or do not like them at all, this is based on judgment. The same problem with organized religions, theirs is “right” and everyone else is “wrong.” When we tie ourselves to social constructs, judgments or beliefs, or treat our feelings as facts, we become close minded and unable to see reality. The good and bad in everyone, the beauty and ugliness within ourselves. We are not one or the other, we are both. Lightness and darkness. And everything in between.

Looking at the Facts

So now that we have separated feelings form facts, lets look at the facts. If you watch the news, ascribe to social media, follow what is going on in the world based on the media, you think this world is falling apart, the world is worse than it ever was, and there’s no reason to vote because it does not get any better. I had an enlightening conversation with one of my lifelong friends about this very thing, her degree is in sociology and mine is in social work, so we had this great political discussion. Why people do not vote, why people want to get out of America and move to other countries, why people do not want to have kids and bring kids into this world, and how the Millennial generation (that’s me) is the most ethnically diverse generation, meaning we have the most diverse voting population, giving us so much power! Yet many of us do not vote. A lot of us get our information from the media and social media, so our views are biased, and there is this sense of learned helplessness. People don’t vote because they feel like it doesn’t matter. Basing reality purely on feelings gets us in trouble. We have two sides of the brain, logic and emotions, we are born with both for a reason. We need both.

Change is slow. I love statistics because it gives me a better idea of what is really going on. When you look at facts, not feelings, you can get a better idea of reality. Here are some ways that our country has grown, for the better, and changed drastically. Change is slow and if you don’t want to see it, you won’t. I like looking for how we ARE progressing, how we are moving forward, and how this country is much safer and more diverse than it has ever been.

Ethnic Diversity in Congress

Congress is the most culturally diverse it has ever been. While it is not perfect and certainly not representative of our population in the US, it has drastically improved. In 1984, 94% of Congress was White and only 6% made up the minority population.

Currently, there are 116 members in congress who are Black, Native American, or Hispanic, making up 21% of the population. This is a significant improvement compared to 1984. Change is slow, but it is happening.

Source: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/02/08/for-the-fifth-time-in-a-row-the-new-congress-is-the-most-racially-and-ethnically-diverse-ever/

Women in Congress

In 1984, there were 24 women in congress out of 540 total members, making up just 4.4% of the seats. Currently in the 116th congress, there are 127 women out of 541 members of congress, making up 23.4% of the population in congress. Still not equal, but significantly improved.

Source: https://thehill.com/homenews/house/424449-116th-congress-breaks-records-for-women-minority-lawmakers

Violent Crime Rates

Since my job is talking with people and having intimate discussions, I often discover people’s fears and how their fears are not reality based. Fear is typically not based on reality, again, it’s based on a feeling and not on facts. Many people are afraid to bring children into this world because of how “bad” it is in America. If you look at the department of justice and actual statistics on violent crimes, you will see how America is safer than it has ever been before.

Source: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/10/17/facts-about-crime-in-the-u-s/

War on Drugs

Lastly, to demonstrate how voting matters, how the Millennial generation has the power to make serious changes, let’s look at Marijuana legalization, something my generation is passionate about. When there is passion, and belief that you can make powerful changes, you don’t feel helpless. You feel like you have control, that you matter, and you have the power to make significant changes. So many people were excited to vote on the legalization of marijuana, so they voted, and you can tell. Look at this map of the country and how marijuana legalization and decriminalization has spread. This shows how powerful we really are.

Source: https://www.thirdway.org/infographic/map-of-state-marijuana-legalization-laws

Conclusion

We are in a time when people have a voice like they never had before. People are speaking up about the injustices in this world. The first step to any change is awareness. People are banning together and protesting racism, police brutality, and finally understanding terms like “white privilege.” People are waking up to the harsh realities of this world. For many, this is the first time in their lives they are realizing such things exist. Women are speaking up and having boundaries for themselves, not accepting sexual harassment and mistreatment as they have their entire existence. Thank you #metoo movement.

To put these changes in perspective, Black Americans got the right to vote in 1870 and women got the right to vote in 1920. Prior to this, Black Americans and women were seen as “objects” or “property.” Look at how far we have grown in 100 years. We still have a long way to go, certainly, yet it is also important to see how much we have changed. That’s what gives us power, belief, and hope.

The world is changing for the better. Minority culture is getting a voice, Congress is becoming more ethnically diverse, and women are taking up more seats in Congress, taking CEO positions of major corporations, and fighting for equal pay. The country is legalizing and decriminalizing marijuana while violent crime rates are down significantly.

When we work together, fight for what we believe in, and see how our vote matters, we make lasting changes. Oxford dictionary defines “learned helplessness: as a condition in which a person suffers from a sense of powerlessness, arising from a traumatic event or persistent failure to succeed. It is thought to be one of the underlying causes of depression.”

This sense of powerlessness is one of the main reasons so many people don’t vote. They feel like they have no power. The media wants us to fight against each other, to believe we have no power, to remain where we are. Our ego wants the same thing. Our ego is driven by fear, it wants us to stay stuck, to stay in homeostasis, to remain exactly where we are. The ego is based on fear while the heart is based on love. Jimi Hendrix said it best, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”

Every person is powerful. Every person matters. Every person has the power to make significant changes in their lives, and the change must start with you.

If you are not registered to vote, it is easy to sign up: https://www.vote.org/register-to-vote/

If you have questions, comments, feedback, post below. Awareness is the first part, let’s keep the conversation going!

The post Unity: a Powerful Alternative to Hate appeared first on Recover Life, Inc..

June 4, 2020

Written by: Sarah Jenkins, MSW, RCSWI

Currently, we are in a time of extreme discomfort, fear, anger, you name it, society is feeling it. This is the discomfort that causes change. The country was just starting to open back up as stay at home orders were lifting and businesses were opening again after the #Covid-19 crisis, then we were reminded of the #racism and #hatred that still very much exist in society. At this time, so many people are hurting, are in fear for their lives, have lost their jobs, are losing their housing, have families falling apart, have relationships ending, and are dealing with a tremendous amount of grief and loss. Alcohol sales are increasing drastically, people with new sobriety and long-term sobriety are relapsing, depression and anxiety are at an all time high, and it feels like so many people’s worlds are falling apart. This is a time when we can work together, lean on one another, ask for help, and come together as a community to take a stand against the things we will not stand for. Whether it is racism you want to end, a relationship that no longer meets your needs, a job you want to leave, or a change you want to make, endings must happen to make room for new beginnings.

One good thing about this high level of anger and discomfort the country is feeling collectively is that it pushes us to grow, forces us to look at ourselves, get rid of what is no longer serving us and allow for something new to begin. I have hope that, collectively, we are transforming. More than ever, we need togetherness, community, and support.

This article will discuss why so many people resist change, the stigmas surrounding therapy, how therapy can be beneficial for everyone, and how you have the power to change the world for the better.

Why We Resist Change

I often talk to people about the stigma surrounding therapy, as well as what keeps people from seeking help. Continuous themes that come up, are how they do not trust people, they have been hurt before, how their problems “aren’t that bad,” how they feel like therapy is for people who are “crazy,” how they can do it on their own, that asking for help is a weakness, that therapy is just “talking about feelings,” and numerous other reasons. A lot of these stigmas are based on fear. Fear is driven by the ego, responsible for defense mechanisms, to keep our bodies and minds stuck where they are.

Our ego wants us to remain the same, or in terms of our body, in homeostasis. That is where our body is most comfortable, because outside of homeostasis, our body and mind are forced to react, to change, to be uncomfortable, to grow.

Sometimes our “normal” is wildly uncomfortable and painful, yet it’s familiar, and our bodies crave familiarity. Change is terrifying, so is growth. People unconsciously resist change because it is what their body wants. It is physically difficult for the body to change, you know this if you have ever tried to lose weight or gain weight, the body wants to stay exactly as it is.

Change evokes an unconscious fear, fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty. Making decisions based on fear is no way to progress forward in life. Fear is part of the reason racism is so prevalent in America. As humans, we project onto others how we feel about ourselves, so this hatred toward others is just hatred an unaware person feels for themselves, but their fear (or their ego) “protects” them by projecting their own beliefs onto others, keeping their deep wounds stuck exactly where they are, in homeostasis, because it feels “normal” to them. The healing comes in when you can look at yourself honestly, nonjudgmentally, and lovingly to release the hatred. When you love yourself, truly love yourself and stop judging yourself, you stop hating and judging others. One way we can end racism and hate is for every person to take personal accountability for themselves, to seek help, to heal their wounds, and stop projecting their own beliefs onto people around them. Therapy is just one path to begin this healing.

I have quoted this before and will quote it again because it beautifully explains hatred with a compassionate level of understanding.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense once the hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with this pain.” -James Baldwin

Trust Issues

Many self-esteem issues, stress management, difficulty understanding their emotions, perfectionism, the need to control, relationship issues, addiction, depression, and most mental health diagnoses stem from “trust issues.” Many people have been hurt throughout their lives, oftentimes from their primary caregivers who are the first people who teach them how to love. According to Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development (McLeod, 2018), a child learns whether humans can be trusted or not in the first two years of life. If your parents or primary caregiver were neglectful, inconsistent, or used the “let them cry it out” method, you may have learned in the beginning of your life that people cannot be trusted, people should not be relied upon, people will hurt you, you do not need anyone, and essentially do not need love. These beliefs are hard to recognize on your own because they are so deeply ingrained, they are a part of you.

This is an oversimplified summary of a complex issue. The point here is how the therapeutic relationship can help mend the ability to trust another person, and heal deep wounds stemming from the inability to trust, love another person, or let people love you, that you cannot heal on your own.

Self-Help: An American Crisis

It’s interesting how the mind and the body work. With self-help book sales growing exponentially, specifically in 2019 the compound annual growth rate for this industry reached 18.9 million (The NPD Group, Inc, 2020). This idea in America is part of a problematic systemic belief we have in our culture in the west. America is one of the most profound individualistic societies. Most other countries in the world, especially in the east like China, Japan, and India, are collectivist societies. In collectivist societies, the values are placed on the importance of the community over the importance of the individual. Communities work together to support one another, and the needs of the family unit are valued over the needs of the individual. On the contrary, in America’s individualistic society, the need for personal power, individual identity, and rugged individualism drive many of the social constructs and beliefs we have growing up in America.

People often read and seek self-help, without asking for help from anyone else. They are attempting to heal their wounds on their own. I will explain how this is problematic. Let me just say, self-help books are great, when you use them as a tool, just not as the only tool. I love reading these books, then discussing them with my friends and family, clients, colleagues, and teachers. The discussion and the emotional intimacy stemming from the discussion is the healing part, not the part where I read the book on my own.

Why You Cannot Heal Yourself by Yourself

If you grew up in America or a family with strong beliefs of rugged individualism, chances are you grew up learning that if you have emotions or express your emotions you are weak, you should not ask for help, you should be able to do everything on your own, and if you can’t, there is something wrong with you. This is pervasive in our culture, so if you feel this way, you are not alone. This mental toughness perspective causes people to have confusion when trying to understand their emotions. This also creates an unconscious belief that you should always control your emotions, but who really controls emotions? If you were the controller or the dictator of your emotions, wouldn’t you always just feel happy?

To help illustrate this point, lets imagine you are looking forward to spending time with a dear friend, but at the last minute, they cancel your plans. If you struggle with any of these initial core beliefs mentioned, or with addiction, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem, this may signal an immediate fear response, a thought “something is wrong with me,” and maybe this transpires into a thought dialogue about how nobody wants to spend time with you, how people do not like you, or how people are always going to hurt you, leave you, or let you down. Or maybe this causes an initial discomfort of sadness, disappointment, or hurt. If you have any of these other core beliefs, like you should not feel the way you do or you are weak for feeling sad, then what you might end up feeling a secondary emotion such as anger, guilt, or shame for feeling a normal emotion such as sadness. You may tell yourself, “you shouldn’t feel sad, don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with you, etc.” and this is your mind’s attempt at controlling your emotions, pushing away what you feel, which actually does the opposite, it compounds the anger, worsens the guilt, and increases the initial sadness.

This is just one example of how pushing away your emotions harms your mental health and destroys your sense of self. There are many other ways core beliefs and social constructs give you a destructive sense of self, causes self-hatred, and sabotages relationships. Hopefully this helps illustrate another intensely complex issue.

Reprogramming Your Brain

Therapy helps you to untangle the faulty wiring programmed into your brain throughout your life. These core beliefs are so deeply ingrained, they cannot be resolved simply by identifying they exist. Therapy helps you to learn how to separate your feelings, understand the various nuances, and develop trust in this authentic human relationship. The healing part of therapy comes from the unconscious energy exchanged between two humans. This is not something that can be replaced by a self-help book or by any other means of doing it on your own, or “picking yourself up by the bootstraps.” So much of the therapeutic process that heals is in the energy transformation, it’s in the time and space between the people, and not always in the conscious awareness or words. It’s hard to explain with words because it is something that happens on a spiritual and emotional level.

When you attempt to understand yourself and heal your wounds on your own, your ego will fight to maintain homeostasis, unconsciously fight against any change you attempt to make, and keep the faulty core beliefs intact, keeping you in the same predicament you are in now. You cannot objectively see yourself, no one can. No matter how self-aware you become. As humans, we all need people in our lives to offer varying perspectives, to challenge us when we have a belief that is untrue, or to gently point out how a belief we have about ourselves may be based on someone else’s feelings and not reality.

Alan Watts quotes a Chinese Buddhist poem is his insightful book Become What You Are

“It is like a sword that wounds, but

cannot wound itself.

Like an eye that sees,

But cannot see itself.”

Therapy is About You and For You

Another key component of therapy is that this relationship is solely about you. It is a great way to treat yourself, to take care of yourself, and to spend an hour focusing on you. For about the same cost as a great massage, one hour of therapy can have profound lasting affects on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Unlike a friendship that is mutually beneficial, the therapist is there for you. This means the therapist is trained to understand their own unconscious biases to ensure their personal beliefs do not get in the way when working with you. A therapist should not be giving you advice or telling you what you should be doing with your life to make it better, nor should a therapist be judging you or making you feel bad. A therapist should be there for you as a mirror so you can begin to objectively understand yourself, untangle the unconscious beliefs and social constructs, and to help you develop a healthy perspective of yourself.

When you blend the unconscious with the conscious mind, this change is everlasting. You will not have to work so hard to understand what you feel, rather it will become an automatic response. To illustrate from my previous example when the friend cancels your date, you will be able to tell yourself “Ok, I feel sad because I was looking forward to spending time with my friend and I feel disappointed they had to cancel. That makes sense I feel sad. That’s okay, I know it’s not about me and they will reschedule when they have time.” And that’s it, no underlying guilt, anger or shame because sadness was the root emotion. When you understand the root cause of the pain immediately, understand what your body is telling you, you will not have secondary emotions. You will no longer judge yourself. Rather you will truly understand what you need, how to express your emotions to the people who need to hear them to build authentic, meaningful relationships, and ultimately get whatever you want in life. To be unapologetically, authentically you. This creates a feeling of liberation! The key is understanding you.

Another great quote from The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, by Thích Nhất Hạnh:

“When we direct our attention toward our suffering, we see our potential for happiness. We see the nature of suffering and the way out. That is why the Buddha called suffering a holy truth. When we use the word “suffering” in Buddhism, we mean the kind of suffering that can show us the way out.”

Therapy is Temporary

Therapy should be used with a goal in mind, something you want to work on, something that has an end date. A good therapist is there to work for you, to provide relief from pain, improve relationships, improve sexual satisfaction, deal with life transitions, help with addiction, improve low self-esteem, reduce depression, increase emotional awareness, help with stress or anger management, improve mental health, etc.

When therapy is done, you will know you are ready for discharge when this goal has been reached, whatever that goal may be. Therapy is not a lifelong process. Therapy is a short-term relationship to help you achieve some sort of goal, awareness, or insight. Then the relationship is over. There is a lot to be learned when the therapeutic relationship ends as well. The changes made will stay with you eternally. The therapist does not get credit for the changes you make, you do.

Not All Therapists are the Right Fit

Just as all humans have imperfections, all therapists have imperfections. I am not the best therapist for everyone, likewise, all therapists will not be the best fit for you. If you do not feel comfortable with your therapist and you are not learning anything, gaining any new awareness or insight, and do not feel like you are getting something beneficial from the therapeutic process, let your therapist know. It is your therapist’s job to work for you and benefit you. This is a great opportunity for growth for both of you when you share your honest, genuine feelings with another person. This will allow the therapist to address whatever is causing the discomfort, or help you find a therapist that will be a better fit for you. You will also feel tremendous relief for expressing yourself and gain a sense of accomplishment for having an uncomfortable conversation, this is where the growth comes in!

I often hear from clients how they do not tell their therapists when the therapist hurts them, makes them feel judged or insulted, or when they do not feel comfortable with their therapist because they do not want to hurt the therapist’s feelings. This causes them to leave treatment, end the relationship, or never try therapy again. As a therapist and mental health professional, your feelings are our job, not the other way around. It is not your job to protect anyone’s feelings. Other people’s feelings are their responsibility, and your feelings are your responsibility. Your only responsibility in therapy, and in life, is to be honest with yourself, express yourself, and get your needs met. Only you are responsible for your life. Only you are the one with all the power and control, and therapy can help you unleash this limitless potential.

Since I love paradoxes, and something therapy helps you learn is to accept paradoxes in everything, I leave you with a great quote from an inspiring self-help book by Jack Canfield, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be:

“If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings—everything!”

While therapy can help you take responsibility for everything in your life, you are the one

with the power. You are the one who makes therapy work. If you are willing to ask for help, to be honest, to sit with discomfort, and know this pain is temporary for long-term gain, therapy might be beneficial for you.

If every person took 100% responsibility for themselves, asked for help when they needed it, and healed their hidden wounds, we could end racism and hate in our society. It takes everyone individually doing their part to impact the whole collectively. When one person heals, it transcends to the people around them, ultimately healing others. Do your part and take care of you, so together we can change the world together.

If you have any questions or feedback, comment below, or schedule an appointment for a free consult. I’d love to hear from you!

The post It’s Time for a Change: How You Can Change the World (and Therapy Can Help) appeared first on Recover Life, Inc..

By Sarah Jenkins, MSW, RCSWI

June 16, 2020

In group therapy, we often talk about what people struggling with addiction needed from their family and loved ones while they were in active addiction. Something they seldom received. It seems counterintuitive to not talk about the elephant in the room, but this is coming directly from the people you want to help.

What people wanted and needed most while struggling with addiction was not anything related to addiction. People who are battling alcoholism or cannot stop using drugs just want what most of us want: love. This means talking to them about the weather, current events, life, your own struggles, basically anything other than addiction or the pain they have caused their family or loved ones. Anyone who is battling addiction is fully aware of the pain they are causing themselves and others. Often this level of guilt, anger, despair, or resentment contributes to continued use. It is not helpful to point out a person’s flaws when their flaws are the only thing they can see. Most people during addiction cannot see what a good person they are because they feel like that person is gone. More pain, guilt trips, anger, resentments, arguments, or basically all the common ways frustrated family members communicate, are not helpful for anyone. Not for you or your loved one who is struggling.

Practice compassionate listening and understanding. Talk to your loved one about anything other than addiction. Talk to them about life, memories, good times, or share your own personal struggles, let them help you. Just because someone is battling an addiction does not mean they are useless, or they do not have value. They are still a valuable human being with a lot of strength and courage to offer. Ask them for their help. Let them help you. Let them feel like their life has meaning other than just to get drunk or high. Maybe you have lost trust in them, or you do not believe them anymore, but this is not lost. The person you love is still there. Hidden underneath a dark cloud of pain and denial, a belief they can quit on their own, and that they do not need help, or maybe they feel like they do not deserve help, or love from anyone. This is where you can really help.

You can counter this belief by simply being there for them. Vent your own frustrations about how stressful your life has been, or difficulties you have been having. Show them your vulnerabilities and let them help you. Let them know everyone struggles, they are not alone, and they are not the only one experiencing pain and despair. You can open your heart and share your own vulnerabilities to let them support you, feel useful again, with or without addiction, this level of love and support is the most valuable thing you can give another person.

If you keep arguing with your loved one, giving guilt trips and ultimatums, and nothing seems to be working, try a different approach. Try fighting through your own anger and madness to offer love, to ask for their support, to seek their guidance and advice. Let them feel like a human again, not like an object such as an “addict” or an “alcoholic.” People are so much more than the labels that are put on them. Sometimes it is helpful to just talk about the weather.

I am here to provide therapy for family members or have loved ones battling addiction. It takes a community to support someone in recovery, likewise, family members deserve that same kind of community and support. Therapy can help you be the best version of yourself so you can effectively be there for your loved one. Schedule a free consult today to see if therapy can help you.

The post Advice For Family Members of “Addicts” or “Alcoholics” … and when it is Helpful to Talk about the Weather appeared first on Recover Life, Inc..

It is not because they stopped doing the work, it is not because they did not want recovery enough, it is not because it is addiction and that’s what happens, it is not because they stopped helping people, it is not because they are an alcoholic and there’s nothing we can do. It is so much more than that. As professionals, we can be doing more. Something we are doing is not working and we need to look at it in order to make a change. We cannot brush it off and call it spirituality because we choose to not take it personally. No, we must take it personally to allow it to impact us, to make us feel whatever we feel, to change us.

For one, I feel brokenhearted when one of my clients relapse. Not because I am taking responsibility for their recovery or their relapse, because I vowed to help people when I chose to become a therapist and work in this field. If my clients keep relapsing, clearly there is something I can be doing better. I am responsible for the work I do, for how I treat my clients, and how I change the work I do if clients symptoms are not improving. As a reminder, addiction is merely a symptom of something much bigger.

What are we missing? Clearly something we are doing is not working if clients do not maintain changes learned in treatment. What can we do? How can we be better?

Your Client is the Expert, Not You

Let us start with power and control. This is an elusive feeling that is difficult to explain with words because it is something we unconsciously feel. Sometimes people go years, decades, lifetimes, giving away their power and control and do not see it. I am going to attempt to explain this concept and how you can give more power and control to your clients.

When clients come into treatment, they have these deep beliefs they cannot do anything right, they have no value, they have typically destroyed their life beyond recognition, this life does not feel like theirs and they have no power and control in their lives. Their symptoms (mental health or addiction) have consumed their lives, leaving them feeling powerless, helpless, and hopeless. That is why they come to us, the “expert,” to help them fix their lives. The problem with this is many times we fall into the expert role, taking away the power from our clients. Especially if you are a professional in recovery yourself, you feel like you have figured it out, you know the way, you know how to get sober and live a life in recovery, and you are passionate to share your way with your clients. The problem is you only know what recovery looks like for you. There is no secret, there is no key ingredient, everyone’s path to recovery is different. This is especially harder if you were trained as an expert, a clinician, a doctor, a high up executive, or whatever your title is. It is important for you to play the expert at many times in your career, but when it comes to your clients, you are not the expert. Your client is.

When you humbly acknowledge, realistically, you have no idea what your client needs to do in order to stay sober or stay out of the hospital, you do not know what your client thinks or feels, what their deepest wounds are, or why they keep relapsing, then you can really be of service. Then you have an open, unbiased mind that will allow you to explore with your client. This also gives them the power and control, not you. By playing the expert, telling clients what they should be doing with their lives, then becoming frustrated when they “don’t listen” to your eloquent, expert advice, you are maintaining the power and control in the relationship, which is keeping your client stuck in the treatment bubble, rather than flourishing, understanding, and knowing they are the only one with the answers. Our job is to simply help them find the answers within.

How to Give Power in Treatment

As stated previously, people typically feel worthless when they first come to treatment. So, how can we help people to feel like they have value? Like they really are the ones in control of their own lives, no one else? One suggestion, and something I would do weekly, is a complaints and suggestions group. Ask clients for feedback. What do they like about treatment? What bothers them? Which staff are inflicting more pain than helping the clients? What can we do differently? What can we do better? What this does is demonstrate through actions, not words, how you care about your clients. How you are willing to ask them for feedback shows they have value. This is not something you can fake; you genuinely must care to ask this. Then you must be open, ready and willing to listen nondefensively. This is key. The natural reaction when you start getting attacked (which is likely to happen) is to defend yourself, defend your staff, defend your amazing treatment center, but those reactions are wrong. Once you start defending, you stop listening. The key here is to LISTEN. Accept their feedback as valuable ways to improve your treatment. This is an incredible process because clients who are used to stuffing down their feelings start to authentically express themselves. When you can feel proud of them for expressing themselves, no matter what it is, this will help you listen.

Commend them for speaking freely, for sharing what is on their heart, and for giving you powerful feedback. Clients tell you everything you need to know, and THEY are the ones with all the answers. When you take off your expert hat and allow them to wear it, they start to feel the power, and take back control over their lives. It is in these small steps that gives away your power and allows them to take the reins.

The second part of this group is to ask for suggestions. Once the venting session is done, and you feel like clients have gotten out their frustrations, or the anger is too intense, switch to suggestions and improvements. This is how I have redesigned clinical programming everywhere I have worked both inpatient mental health and addiction treatment centers, increased group participation, made clients excited to come to group and be a part of the recovery community, and continually, authentically, share themselves with me. Clients feel safe talking to me because they know I will not run or defend whatever they are going to tell me. My clients teach me everything I need to know. Clients have these creative ideas I never would have thought of myself, and never would have known if I did not ask for their feedback.

Sidebar, when clients tell me about me, they are always right. For how they perceive me cannot be debated. I get to choose how I use the information to become better. When I was a new therapist, I often had clients, sometimes psychotic, tell me how they could visibly see my big ego above my head. My natural reaction was, internal of course, “I don’t have an ego, they’re just psychotic, they don’t know what they’re talking about…” But the reality was, I did have a big ego, I was afraid of losing control on an inpatient psychiatric unit, as if I had any control to begin with! This is laughable now, but so many people make this same mistake, then take away all the power and control from their clients. This taught me to ask the clients what they wanted, give them options for group, put my agenda aside to listen to them and follow their lead on what they wanted to talk about and where they wanted to go with their treatment. When I followed the clients lead and gave up my own power and control, people started coming to group, they became engaged, they developed relationships, and we created this dynamic, inclusive recovery community on an inpatient psychiatric unit that was not seen previously. This completely transformed the entire feel of the unit and made people want to come to group… You know this is unheard of if you have ever worked inpatient psychiatry.

Not only does this group start to unconsciously give back power and control to your clients, it helps them to see how they are a valuable human being regardless of how many times they have relapsed or made mistakes. This helps clients to start to feel like they matter, like they have a voice, like expressing their thoughts and feelings helps to make positive changes in their world, and this change is transformational in so many ways in their lives.

Lastly, as staff, you must implement some of the program changes your clients suggest. Do not defend why their suggestions would not work, rather brainstorm to figure out how you can make some of their suggestions happen. For instance, the group really wanted to do a gender group, but we did not have the staff. So, this would have been a typical response, “we just don’t have the staff to make it happen,” making clients feel invalidated and feel like their suggestions really do not matter, unconsciously causing them to remain quiet and not speak their minds, the opposite of what we want for our clients. Instead, I came up with a way to split the group, gave one gender a writing assignment to work on for an hour while I took the other gender outside to do a process group. Then switched after an hour. Get creative! Regardless of staffing, you can figure out how to implement their suggestions. When I did this, implemented their suggestion the next day, the clients told me how much they could tell I listened, how they felt like I cared about them, and they felt like they mattered. This is life changing to a person who may have never felt this way, like they are good enough and they do matter. This is magic! This makes them feel powerful! And once a person starts to see they are the ones with the power and control in their lives, this builds the foundation for real recovery.

This group will also help you to prevent complaints, improve your Google reviews, keep a pulse on your staff, make program changes, and help your company grow. You can learn a lot about the negative energy in the community you need to address, staff that needs more training, boundary violations, etc. I would often process with my staff after this group to address staff concerns, let them know how they are making clients feel, and encourage them to vent their apparent frustrations they are taking out on clients. Your staff needs your support, too. Processing is helpful for everyone. I cannot tell you enough how valuable this group is. And if you do not have a group setting to practice this in, ask clients for their feedback regularly. It will make you better. And isn’t that what we are all trying to do?

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim is fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu

Improving the Treatment Bubble Effect

Another suggestion for treatment centers is to put an emphasis on follow-up care. This scenario happens too often to count where the client is engaged in treatment, does everything they are told to do and supposed to do, then transitions home, to sober living, back with family, etc. and they relapse shortly after. They quit taking medications, they do not go to follow-up appointments, they do not continue therapy, because in the treatment center we have not solidified follow-up care. Case managers and discharge planners are busy, they give a standard “follow-up care appointment,” then expect the client, who has grown reliant on the system, to take the initiative and go to their follow-up care once discharged, because that is what we told them to do.

We can be better. Something we do not do, which we should do, is begin to build a relationship with the follow-up care provider while the client is still in treatment. With telehealth and teletherapy on the rise, this can be done easily. In the last two weeks of a client’s treatment, the client should start their therapy appointments with an outside treatment provider. Maybe the current therapist can do a conference call with the follow-up provider to transition care, summarize what the client has done in treatment and where they are now, then allow the client to start working with their outpatient therapist for the last two weeks of treatment.

This will free up therapy hours for the therapists in the treatment center who probably have a caseload of clients in a higher level of care and require more therapy hours than the clients transitioning out of treatment. This will also allow clients to start to build relationships outside of the treatment center, breaking the unconscious bond of power and control to the treatment bubble. The client will be more likely to engage with their follow-up therapist while still in treatment and once the bond starts to build, will be more likely to continue follow-up care. Even if it is only for one month while they transition home. This is what is missing from our current treatment model.

I hope you found this article helpful. I would love to hear your suggestions and feedback on how we can be better. How can follow-up, outpatient therapists be better at supporting treatment centers? How can we work cohesively together? Would it be helpful to integrate follow-up therapists into your treatment? Maybe run a group once a week on the importance of follow-up care? Tell me how we can help you so we can work together as we all have the same goal in mind: recovery for our clients. 

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